There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
