the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
