I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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