Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
