Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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