You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
