Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
