People in love make me want to vomit
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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