I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
