And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
