Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
