just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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