i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
