is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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