Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i would punch a child for taco bell
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
