U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
