I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
