We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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