I accidentally had phone sex last night
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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