I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
