Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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