Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
