I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
