Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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