so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize