dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
