Me too!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
