I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The air taste purple.
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