I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
