And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
