I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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