why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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