sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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