My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's the barista slut.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
