They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
