Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize