Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
