Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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