I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
