I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
