he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
