Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
