So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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