all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
