sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
