I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you inspire me to be a worse person
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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