you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
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I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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