I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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