that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
