The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
