Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think I am morally bankrupt
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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