I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
