Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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