I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
