dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
