I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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