its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
