Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
