i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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