So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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