If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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