genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
