We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
