yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
