Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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